In 2010 we were doing The Wild Party, which called for an antique bathtub for the "Let Me Drown" scene. I checked with my theatre contacts in the area to see if I could borrow one, but no one had anything even remotely resembling one. We were super poor so I couldn't afford to buy or rent anything too fancy. What to do, what to do.
In an act of desperation, I posted on Craigslist. (Is there really any other time to post on Craigslis?) I don't know what I was expecting.
About a day after the post a gentleman called me. "I have an old tub, you can use it for free if you'd like, as long as you return it." Commence profuse thanking, offers of comp tickets, etc. The guy said he would be out of town during the show but wished us the best of luck. When I asked how to get the tub, he said "Oh, it'll be on my lawn."
On you lawn, huh? Okay. Well I guess you'll be getting it out and putting it out there for me before you leave, so as not to have to give a stranger a key to your house. Makes sense.
On the day of load in, my teenage brother and a college aged cast member and I headed to the address the guy had given me. My instructions led me to what I can only assume is the seedy secret industrial underbelly of our fair city of Madison. It looked like the scene from the Lorax after they've torn down all the truffula trees.
We arrived at the guy's house. We couldn't find the bathtub.
Why? Well not because it was hidden, per se. Mostly because this gentleman's lawn was basically the Island of Misfit Antiques. It was a wasteland of, among other things, half chairs, a rusty refrigerator, creepy dolls staring at us from the windows, a child's wagon missing the wheels, statues, tires, garden hoses, wheelbarrows, shoes, towels, birdbaths, and more gnomes than anyone should ever have. Anyone.
In fact after we risked our very lives and likely contracted tetanus, we still weren't sure which bathtub it was we were supposed to take. Several things could have passed. Finally we found one and flipped it over. Inside were bugs, dirt, cobwebs, and what I'm pretty sure was fecal matter of some sort.
"Welp, it's free!" I said. "Let's go."
Good thing I had those boys with me because it weighed approximately eighty two gazillion pounds.
Oh, did I mention we were driving the Edible Arrangements fruit delivery van? (Again, free.) So picture us on this guy's driveway loading an antique bathtub into a refrigerated van with a big picture of fruit on the side.
I don't remember how we cleaned that tub. Maybe I was lucky enough to have someone do it for me. But I likely just blocked it out.
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| There it is. That's me sitting in it. I guess that was only fair. |
When we were done with the show we took that tub back and put it right back where we found it.
Moral: If you're resourceful enough you can come up with just about anything...perhaps at the expense of your dignity, but this was the show where I snorted cocaine out of a necklace during my big number anyway so whatevs. You do what you have to do.
Thank you, strange man. I hope eventually you were able to move to the far end of town where the Grickle Grass grows. (Come to think of it I'm pretty sure there were some Thneeds on that lawn too.)
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